Sinundation!

The $tevil Empire: Get Your Fill of Stupid

Hello again dear reader, whoever you may be. I'm guessing you're here because you arrived for one of the following reasons:

• I know you - Be it "biblically" or otherwise, either way, you're still fucked for the simple fact that you're guilty by association with a registered killing machine.
• You are hopelessly lost in an endless, online quest for compromising images of Captain Planet and the Planeteers. You're a sick bastard, you know that?
• You're a bear and have accessed the site by wandering into a public library and/or internet cafe and, in a honey-induced rage, have mashed the appropriate keys to not only enter the $tevil Empire, but simultaneously lower your car insurance by at least 15%.
• Hi mom!
• You have found both this web address, my phone number and other personal information scrawled across the wall of a public restroom or various other dens of iniquity. Though I am always in pursuit of a "good time," as the aforementioned messages may or may not indicate, let me assure you that these "mustache rides" are, in contradiction to anything you may have read, completely optional. I apologize for any confusion.

There, now that we've clarified the caliber of people on the site, we can move on as you proceed to watch me talk to myself! This, of course, excludes the bears, who are no doubt invested in the mauling of all individuals in the "Young Adult" section of the library.

Now then, much has been going on of late. Much more, obviously, than one could even fathom shaking a stick at. While I know it doesn't seem like it now, what with all the talk of bears, overt homosexuality and the employment of ecological superpowers in fetishism, this is meant to be a very serious post discussing very serious issues. For instance, in a scant few moments, I'll be discussing Hamas and what their political victory may mean to the world, as well as the stink being raised by a portion of the Muslim world about this political cartoon. You may just think that this site is a tribute to the sophomoric, but that's only like 97.5% of it. At least 2% is chalk-full of intellectual vigor. The other .5% is considered "Other," and I'm still compiling a working definition of what that might be. Basically, if this blog were juice, it would definitely be from concentrate and only really marginally be allowed to be called "juice" in the first place. The thing is, there's enough sugar and chemical filler to make ir just as delicious and twice as bad for you as the real thing!

Still don't believe that I can go a sentence without employing profanity, dickhead? Well just fucking observe the following list:

The Weird/Scary/Annoying-Shit-Going-On-In-The-World List

by Steven O. Lution, DDS

1.) Hamas - Do not be fooled, this is not the delicious, garbanzo bean-rendered sauce known as Hummus. A mistake like that is libel to get your face shot, or at very least, your tastebuds satisfied. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this whole Hamas thing, to be honest. They obviously have a lot to prove, especially in regard to how... or actually - IF they recognize Israel. Other "terrorist" organizations have accomplished great (as in scope, not necessarily "good") things by gaining real, political power. Hezbollah in Lebanon is an example of this. It might mean that they won't have to make such a big noise (in the form of car bombs and suicide bombers) to get their message heard. Since they're now actors on a global stage, they might think, "Hmm, perhaps we should represent the Palestinian people in a less extreme manor." Then again, they could say to themselves, "Well, Palestine obviously likes what we're doing, as is illustrated by the fact that we now have very real power. We should probably just keep up the 'good work'. Please pass the hummus." So yeah, it can go either way methinks. Uri Avnery, a guy I have mentioned in previous posts, wrote a little something on the victory, as well as how it applies to the whole Sharon situation. Check it out HERE, it's really good. So is your mom, by the way.

2.) The "Cartoon War" - Unfortunately, this does not apply to some epic battle between The Master of the Universe and G.I. Joe, with an underground insurgency guided by the unusual, but exceptional union of the GoBots and the surprisingly malicious Shirt Tales. Damn... I'd watch the shit out of that!! Sorry, I'm getting off-topic. I'm, of course referring to a Danish newspaper's admittedly controversial portrayal of The Prophet Muhammad. Now, let's be honest here, it was fucked up and in bad taste of the newspaper to print something so scandalous. I'm sure they were doing it to push the buttons of free speech, which I'm all about, but it was pretty messed up.

I am not, however, saying that it was "wrong." Every group of people needs a good jab every once in a while. Christians get it. Americans get it. Jews get it. Gay people get it. The list goes on and on. It's exactly how a given group handles that situation which is truly telling.

Let me say right now, at the risk of getting a Fatwa placed on me from Iran or something, these Muslims who are going around setting fire to buildings and killing people are acting like immature animals and there is no other way to describe it. It's pathetic and the greater Muslim community should be ashamed of how these actions reflect on their beliefs. The fact that this inexcusable behavior is being perpetrated globally is only serving to prove one thing - that the cartoon might actually be right. Anyone with a brain knows to differentiate between these extremists and the entirety of the Muslim community, but for those people who tend only to see the blur between these groups, it's making their hatred and fear worse. I just want to grab these ignorant Muslim fucks by the face and say, "CUT IT, THE FUCK, OUT! There are certain ways to protest and to let the world know that you do not agree with how you have been represented; actually acting like 'the monsters' you are depicted as being IS NOT FUCKING ONE OF THEM!!" Yes, the cartoon was messed up and over-generalizing, and that sucks, but people are dying because of it. Does everyone understand that? PEOPLE ARE DYING BECAUSE OF A FUCKING CARTOON!! Listen, you extremist Muslim nutjobs - get thicker skin and calm down; in short, grow-the-fuck-up!

3.) The State of the Union - I'm not going to go into a lot of this, because, as Shakespeare once said, "It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." I would like to point out the following website, though, which really helps the thinking public (ie, non-republicans) wade past the thick candy shell of absolute bullshit and get to the gooey center of the truth behind the deceit. Check out Katrina Vanden Heuvel's "Decoding the State of the Union" at The Nation.

4.) Talkie Pictures - Katy and I have seen a veritable crap-load of great movies lately. Without going into too much detail, because this post is long e-fucking-nough, you should definitely see Syriana and Good Night and Good Luck (i.e the absolute best movie I have seen in a very long time). Both represent the new and improved god-like status of George Clooney. Of course, I've been a fan of his ever since his amazing portrayal of the dark knight in the unforgettable Batmand and Robin... oh man, sorry, I think I just threw up in my mouth. Speaking of things you would prefera bullet wound over, you should probably skip Munich. It was halfway interesting, but the meat and potatoes of the message was really lost and only truly implemented in one scene in a ridiculously short (though gripping) discussion between the Israeli main character, played by Eric Banna, and a Palestinian. Wow, run-on sentence much? YES I DO!! I was also disappointed that the lead role never once turned into the Hulk.

I also saw Chronicles of Narnia, but won't do an impression of what I thought about it, so as not to offend the retarded. Oh, and finally, check out City of God (tied with Good Night and Good Luck), which is an amazing film about the drug-fueled street wars in Brazil and Kontroll, an equally-amazing Hungarian flick portraying a fictional world based on the Budapest subway system. It's really, really well done. Crash was pretty good too, in case you're wondering. Please keep in mind with all of these reviews that No Holds Barred is one of my favorite movies of all time. Just a caution and reference point.

5.) A Death Most Tragic - Finally, in this god-awful, long post, I'd like to mention a person who died recently that truly changed the world. This person selflessly, bravely and boldly assisted in continuing the unification of two societal groups by working tirelessly to bridge the gap of hatred into peaceful understanding. I am, of course, referring to Al Lewis, otherwise known as Grandpa Munster. The way this man brought together both human and vampire (and to a larger extent, all monster-kind) cannot go overlooked. God bless you, Grandpa.

(You see, extremist Muslims? Even the undead are not exempt from one of their own being poked fun at!)

Anyway, that's it for now, since I've taken up enough of your valuable time. Back to pornographic web searches with you. So until next time, be good, stay cool and get that out of your mouth, you have no idea where it's been.

Love,

$-0