I very much enjoys this bloggings.
I know what you're thinking. I can tell by the seductive look in your eye and the faintest hint of Franzia Chillable Red on your breath. You desire me... and that's okay. It's natural, like the changing of seasons, the flowing of rivers or having sex with unicorns. The reason for this uncontrollable urge to mount me like Battle Cat is simple: it's the moustache into which you are now gazing as though it was some far away and forbidden galaxy. It's like I've got a sexy event horizon right on top of my upper lip! It's like the space under my nose is a laser beam... and it's been set on STUN! I can keep going like this, you know. But, for the sake of expedience, I'll cut to the end... let's see, ah yes: My Moustache is the living embodiment of Jesus Christ, risen again to lead us all into the land of paradise over the hair bridge of love and racial harmony. There, that should wrap it up quite nicely.
The reason I look like a well-groomed piece of sex is not because I'm finally following my destiny of being a Freddie Mercury impersonator, but rather to pay Halloween homage to quite possibly the funniest comedic routine/movie in existence today: Borat. If you haven't witnessed the bowel-moving, soul-destroying glorificence of this movie, then your life is henceforth forfeit. To that end, my henchmen are on their way to your place of residence to provide for you an easy escape from this, your pathetic life. Don't forget your complimentary fridge magnet! In order to circumnavigate your death, go see Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, currently playing at your local cineplex. Other than dressing up as an moustachioed misogynist anti-Semitic homophobe, I've been up to other exciting things, which I will now briefly cover in the following list:
Now that's true love. Regardless of my initial sadness, it was a great weekend and a lovely ceremony. I never realized what two solid nights of drinking and strip clubs could do to a person. Apparently, I have super powers now, as I was bitten by a radioactive stripper - my pelvic gyration can actually halt, and then reverse, the spinning of the globe. Superman did it in that first movie of his, but he did it with less class. It's not his fault, though, he was wearing a cape - plus, I like to play the Cher song, If I Could Turn Back Time while I'm performing. I find it just adds a little panache. Nick, Dan (two more members of the wedding party) and I are thinking about forming a real life Justice League. With my powers combined with Nick's ability to sleep with up to 400 people at once and Dan's ability to have herpes, we should be sweeping the nation with justice sooner than you can say, "Dan and Nick are going to kill me."
Anyway, one of the best parts about the weekend was finding out that I was Jeff's best man, which was a huge honor for me. Luckily, I was able to whip up a passable speech (rife with references to binge drinking and the Ninja Turtles... nope, not kidding) and really tuck into the celebrations of the day. The wedding (which was amazing - performed on the beach in Hilton head, SC), the food and the company were all well worth the price of the trip and then some. More than that, I got to see one of my best friends get married (to a great girl) - a first for me.
2.) Shanksgiving - We didn't do too much for Thanksgiving this year, mostly because the UK doesn't have Native Americans... yet. But, being the best girlfriend on the planet, Katy whipped up a mini-Turkey Day feast for two. She did this on the day that she returned from Boston, where she was attending a conference for Middle East research. Yeah, I know what you're thinking and you're right - I should clone her and raise an army of sexy British women who are amazing cooks and who have heat vision - but just think of the cost! Honestly, while I was away from my home town on one of my favorite holidays, this ended up being one of the most memorable Thanksgivings I've ever had... and not just because I usually get really drunk on Thanksgiving and forget all of the inappropriate things I say in front of family members the next day.
3.) Castle in the Skye - Last weekend, I was lucky enough to finally get up to a place in the Scottish Highlands called The Isle of Skye. I had always heard tale that it was beautiful country, and while I'd seen other big spots in the Highlands, like Loch Ness and Glen Coe, everything I've seen pretty much pales in comparison. Three friends (Geoff, Marcelo, Tommy) and I rented this cottage in the middle of nowhere, which used to be an old shepherd's house. It's called Allt Dearg and if you'd like to take a look at it, you can see the website here! I've got my own pictures marinating in a digital camera right now, and I'll get those up here soon. Overall, it was an amazing weekend of whiskey drinking, cigarette smoking, hiking, eating great food, chewing the fat in front of crackling coal fires, playing cards, listening to music (I highly suggest listening to anything by one of my new favorite musical artists, Smog, by the way - Mother of the World, starring Chloe Sevigny in the video, and RockBottom Riser on youtube are good places to start) and just hanging the fuck out in complete isolation to the outside world.
4.) Funemployment - So apart from all of this great stuff going on, I still have yet to find a job. Oh sure, I've done the grounds keeping thing and I've done the Edinburgh festival thing, but I don't have anything I'd call a career. So the search continues, as apparently Scotland has a pretty big problem with unemployment. Yay. I actually found a job listing on the student website the other day recruiting male erotic dancers. I just wish my penis wasn't so darn big, then maybe I could work there. But maybe they'll let anyone get a job - given some of the strip clubs I've been to in Scotland, I can say that the quality of the employees is very ... underwhelming. Ah well, there's always the circus... or homelessness.